Revengers Disassemble
by Wednesdayite13
Summary: We know about the Marvel heroes. What about the villains? Do NOT expect it to make any sense! Don't expect an actual story line either!
1. I hate Flexi Fridays

"Non believer are you?" Asked Elise.  
"No, Elise. I believe that way up there is a random place where all Gods live and if they want to get anywhere else, they go across a rainbow." This girl had black hair with blue streaks in it and she always wore a SWFC badge on her blazer.  
"Don't be mean, or a big tornado will kill you." Elise laughed.  
"Oh sure. Mean. Like when you sang the thunder song."  
Katie thought for a while. "So Elise, when you sang you can-"  
"Never mind!" Yelled the black haired girl.  
The new girl, Saber, was sat with them too but she stayed rather quiet during their random moments...Which was most of the time.  
Jade came to the table with the paper for the poster they were told to do.  
Elise pointed at her and yelled "Fly killer!"  
Jade laughed. "She poked it!" She pointed to the randomest girl there.  
"It got stuck on my finger. And anyway, Herr Tightjeans was there."  
"Hey, why are you here anyway?" Rachel asked the randomer.  
"I like Norse Mythology."  
"V-" Katie began.  
"Don't use that name in school!" Vampirella was the randomer with black hair and blue streaks with the SWFC badge on her blazer.  
"You use mine."  
"You're not on the Galactic Most Wanted list!" The vampire reminded her friend.  
Elise started the poster by writing 'Norse Mythology' and Vampirella added to it by drawing a picture of what she expected Asgard to look like. After that, they had no idea.  
Rachel had the laptop. "It says here that the son of Odin gave birth to a six legged horse."  
"Which son of Odin?" Vampirella asked. "There's two."  
"I don't know. It just says THE son of Odin."  
"Who is it who's mouth got stitched?" Katie asked.  
"Please say Thor, please say Thor, please say Thor." Taryn chanted as she crossed her fingers.  
"Loki." Replied Vampirella. She then put the pencil down on the table and folded her arms. "I am not drawing either of those."  
Elise read what the teacher had just written on the board. "Be prepared to present your poster by 6th lesson."  
Jade sighed. "I hate Flexi Fridays."

"Did you hear about that tornado elsewhere in England recently?" Vampirella asked.  
"Oh, you're gonna say it's coz Thor got mad at us aren't you?" Elise joked.  
The girls were all on their way to Vampirella's. They were spending the weekend together for some unknown reason.

"Party rock is in the house tonight!" Vampirella yelled as she walked in. "We just wanna see you..."  
"Shake that!" They all shouted. "Everyday I'm shuffling!"  
They noticed a wooden calendar on a shelf in the living room. The image was half Autobot, half Decepticon. The date on it was the 5th of May, even though it wasn't.  
"The date's wrong." Jade pointed out.  
"I know. But that's a very special date."  
"Why? Is it Herr Tightjeans' birthday?" Katie joked.  
"No, that's 13th March. I'm not a stalker. No, that's the day Sheffield Wednesday got automatically promoted to the Championship...and Sheffield United didn't."


	2. Everyday I'm Shuffeling

"I'm cold." Vampirella complained.  
"You're always cold." Saber pointed out.  
"I know." She then turned herself blue. "I swear turning blue isn't normal though."  
"Well I guess it's just one of your many strange and random powers we'll never be able to explain. At least you don't turn red." She laughed as Vampirella shuddered.

Meanwhile...  
"It's a good song." The rich guy protested.  
"Your song and Thor's song is by the same band." His girlfriend pointed out.  
"Thunderstruck isn't officially his song."  
The door opened and in walked a nice looking, blonde man. "Well I don't play my song everywhere I go."  
"Like I said, it's a good song."  
A man with an American looking uniform walked in. It had blue, white and red stripes with a white star. "I don't even have a song I know of."  
"You can have this." Stark played Pack Up Your Troubles on his phone.  
"Wrong war."  
"Not the point. Hey, has your psychotic brother made an appearance recently?"  
Steve sighed. "It's almost as if you want him to make an appearance."  
"No he hasn't and I doubt that he ever will." Thor replied.  
"Well let's just hope he doesn't. You have enough worries with you know who." Pepper pointed out.  
"They've been on Earth for a long time now." Steve said. "I doubt they will do anything now."  
"No but if Loki does return, they will no doubt join his army." Stark thought aloud. "Especially the vampire."  
"She may be unpredictable and very random, but she will never join a Frost Giant." Said Thor. They had met once before.  
"No but neither will she fight one." Steve said.  
"Why?" Stark asked.  
"Frost Giants are blue."

"The bridge is destroyed, it will take a lot of power to return to Earth. But return I shall. I will get revenge on Thor and the rest of the so-called Avengers. And I know just how."

There was a knock on the door. Vampirella went to answer it.  
"Hello?"  
"Hi. My name is Nick Fury. I am here to talk to you and your group about The Avengers initiative." Said the creepy guy with an eye-patch.  
"Erm...come in?"

"Fury has gone to talk to them. He has seen the SJS so he knows exactly what will persuade at least Vampirella to join. The others will probably follow." Said Stark.  
"The SJS?" Thor asked.  
"It's an online comedy show. The Saffron, Jade and Santa show. Saffron is Vampirella."

"Why ask us?" Elise asked.  
"We know your secrets."  
"Well what makes you think we'll join? If you know our secrets, you'll know I'm on the Galactic Most Wanted list."  
"And that she fancies her teacher." Jade laughed.  
"I am well aware of that. But I also know all about your hatred for Frost Giants. You know Loki is Laufey's son I assume."  
"Yeah but they're blue so..."  
He was expecting Vampirella to say that.  
Fury sighed. "Laufey is a Blade." He lied.  
"OK we're going!"

"Damn. Oh well, there's still time for her to change her mind."

"I don't trust her." Said Stark.  
"You don't trust anyone." Steve leaned back on his chair.  
"He has a right to be cautious. We all should be. She has committed a number of crimes in the past." Thor said in his Shakespearian way.  
"Why? What exactly happened when you met?" Stark asked.  
"Well-"  
Fury entered with the new recruits.  
"I shall tell you later."  
"This is Vampirella, Katie, Racey, Lotus, Taryn, Rachel and Saber." Fury introduced them. "This is Stark, Steve, Bruce and Thor-"  
"We've met." Vampirella walked up to Thor.  
"How is your servo?"  
She held up her servo to show Thor the strap she has to wear. "And I told everyone it was an ice-skating accident."  
"Did they believe you?"  
"At first. But two years later people start to think I'm making it up."  
"Woah woah woah you've met? But you said you didn't believe in Asgard!" Jade reminded her best friend.  
"What did you expect me to say? Oh yes, I should know a lot about Norse Mythology. I have met the God of Thunder."  
Elise heard Vampirella say God of Thunder. "Oh my God, no no not God. Did you hear the Thunder Song?"  
"Yes I did. I must say it was actually fairly amusing. Although I don't quite understand how that's possible..." Thor and Elise laughed.  
"Aaw" Went Vampirella. "Thor and Elise sitting in a bank. They decide that they should-"  
"V!" Taryn shouted.

"Hey, Jade. Can I borrow you a sec?" Saber asked.  
"Yeah, sure."  
They all had their own rooms in Stark Towers where they could hang out since that was the new Avengers headquarters.  
"You know how Vampirella is always cold...and can turn blue. And she has that hatred of Frost Giants. You don't think..."  
Jade thought about that. "That's impossible...right?"  
"It makes sense."


	3. Cold as Ice

Vampirella was out and about, she got bored really, when she heard a voice behind her.  
"Vampirella."  
She turned around to face a nice looking guy with black hair and green, black and gold armour.  
"Who are you?"  
"I am Loki. Of Asgard. I have a proposal."  
"If it's to join your army then I 100% accept!" She said rather too eagerly.  
Loki was surprised. "Well then. That was easier than expected."

"Oh my God I can't believe it. I've never been this far away from home." Vampirella sang. "Actually I have, but that's not the point. I'M ON ASGARD...AGAIN! Why are we on Asgard."  
Loki was trying to make sense of Vampirella;s randomness, but then he realised she had just asked a question. "Oh. Because."  
"I understand. Oh by the way, can I just say that they trust me. Actually they don't but they don't expect me to join you and I'm a trained spy."

"Hey guys."  
"Where have you been?" Jade asked.  
"As...Da. ASDA." Vampirella replied.  
"ASDA." Jade repeated.  
"Yes, ASDA."  
"What did you buy?"  
"Cheese."

"And you don't believe her?" Stark asked.  
"She said she went to ASDA!" Jade repeated.  
"What is so bad about that?" Thor asked.  
"ASDA! She thinks ASDA is actually the headquarters of the Cheese People and that anyone who enters will eventually be killed by a load of flying bananas. So she would NEVER go to ASDA."

"I nearly accidentally blew my cover." Vampirella told Loki.  
"What? How?"  
"Racey asked me where I've been so I was about to say Asgard but changed it to ASDA at the last minute. I just hope she didn't remember about the Cheese People and the flying bananas."  
"I won't even ask. Come, we have a lot to discuss."  
"But I don't like pudding."

Big big argument. Huge disaster. It could determine their fate. One wrong move could change their destiny.  
"How can you not like pudding?!"  
"Because pudding tends to be sweet."  
"And?!"  
"And it's horrible. I hate sweet stuff. I mean hello, I don't even like chocolate. That's why I sit and eat plooms all day." In case you didn't know what Vampirella was on about, plooms are mega sour sweets which gives you tooth ache and mouth ulcers. They're meant to be a practical joke but Vampirella loved them.  
Loki sighed and, before walking out, turned to Vampirella. "After all of this, I am never talking to you again."

Katie turned round. She saw a figure.  
"Who's there?" She asked.  
"I am Agent Kremlyovskaya. You know me." The girl had a Russian accent.  
"I don't know any Agent...whatever."  
"That's because she doesn't exist." The Russian accent turned into a Sheffield/Derbyshire/random accent. "She's a Vampirella creation used to confuse those who know the name but not the face. Good, eh?"  
"Where did you get the name from?" Katie asked.  
"It's a brand of Russian Vodka."

"Agent Kremlyovskaya. I like." Said Loki.  
"So, how are we doing on building up the army?" Vampirella asked.  
"Including us two, that gives us...two..."

"I don't know. She came, spoke with a Russian accent about Vodka and left." Katie was telling Director Fury.  
"Well clearly she is up to something."  
Katie sighed. "You don't say."

Vampirella walked in with a folder. "Well there's Sabretooth. He was a participant in the Weapon X program, just like Wolverine. You know him right?" Loki nodded. "There's Red Skull. The right hand man of Hitler, enemy of Captain America. AKA Steve."  
"Right, so that's two." Loki was counting. Vampirella said she bet she could find up to ten villains who might be willing to join their army, and Loki said he bet she couldn't.  
"Magneto. A mutant who can generate and control electromagnetic forces. The biggest enemy of the X-Men."  
"Wolverine is with the X-Men, right?" Loki had heard a little about the X-Men, but not much.  
"Yes. If we're gonna have Magneto then we better have Mystique too. That makes four. Number five, Doctor Doom. His suit beats Stark's in two ways. One, it's just better. Two, it's green. The Joker makes it six. Mandarin, enemy of Stark. Name makes me hungry. That's seven. Eight, William Stryker. Name's not as good but still. He's the leading member of the Weapon X program, even though he hates Mutants. Number nine, Electro. And number ten..." Vampirella started to walk out of the door. "Brother of Thor, a Frost Giant. I think you may have heard of him." She flew out.

"So Vampirella. Out of the, ahem, nine you mentioned, how many actually joined?" Loki asked.  
"Let's just say our army has risen up to a grand total of...four. That's four! I admit I didn't ask Red Skull. He's red and his name sounds too much like Red Bull and I don't like Red Bull because IT DOES NOT GIVE YOU WINGS! I learnt that the hard way." Vampirella folded her arms.  
Loki just stared at her blankly. "You can fly, you know."  
"Oh yeah...NOW you tell me."

Vampirella was explaining things to the two new recruits. As she went through the individual Avenger, she put up a picture on the big screen type thingy. "OK. So in the Avengers so far is Stark, Steve and Thor. I hear they're trying to persuade Wolverine but I doubt that's gonna happen. Stark is Iron Man. He has a magnetic field generator that stops shrapnel getting into his heart. Long story. It's that what powers up the suit which he made himself. Actually he has quite a few, but they all do pretty much the same thing." A picture of Captain America came up. "Steve Roders, or Captain America. He was around in WW2 but was frozen in ice. The ice was melted by the way. Some weird thing happened to him making him a super soldier but I won't go into too much detail because I don't like him." Next was a picture of Thor. "This is Thor, Loki's brother. The God of Thunder. I have an obsession with Norse Mythology so I could go on forever about him but basically just don't get him pissed. And don't touch his mead."  
"So who leads these...Avengers?" Asked the older looking of the two recruits. He made Vampirella laugh because he had a weird helmet.  
"That would be Director Fury." She put up a picture of Nick Fury. "He has an eye patch."  
"We can see that." Said the guy with the funny helmet. "I notice you're keeping as far away from me as possible. Why is that?"  
"Because I am rather uncomfortable to be near someone who can manipulate metal."


	4. Cyclops

"Vampirella's just tweeted 'KEEP CALM AND JOIN LOKI'S ARMY'" Katie said. "I've got a feeling she's joined Loki's army."

"Scott Summers. Or better still, Cyclops. We need to talk." Katie began. She noticed Vampirella behind him.  
"I thought we were after Wolverine."  
Katie didn't know if she could trust Vampirella. "We are." Emphasis on we.  
"Well that's the wrong mutant, just thought I should say."  
"We do know."  
"Well you picked...OK. Not as good as Magneto but still OK." And with that, Vampirella left.  
"Magneto?" Scott repeated.  
Katie nodded. "Yeah, V's against us."

"He's from Jotunheim. Although just in time was saved by Odin. Though he didn't know until he turned blue what he really was. Last Thursday night. Go across the Rainbow Bridge. Get some pudding from the fridge. Things were pretty strange last night. Last Thursday night. Coz Midgard is really Earth. Get some coffee, quench my thirst. Give the others a small fright last Thursday night-"  
"Vampirella! Focus!" Loki yelled.  
"What? I wrote a song! I'm in a band. I'm rehearsing the song." Vampirella started humming the song. It was a parody she wrote to Last Friday Night. There was more than that by the way. That was just the bridge and chorus.  
"What do you know about Cyclops?!" Loki asked.  
"Oh, he has eyes." Vampirella replied calmly.  
Magneto sighed. Why he agreed to do this, he'll never know. "He shoots concussive blasts from his eyes. He has been fighting for the peaceful coexistence of mutants and humans for most of his life."  
"See?" Loki glared at Vampirella. "When I ask about someone, that's the type of description I expect to get."  
The vampire sighed. "OK then. He shoots concussive...yeah I don't know what that word means. It has too many syllables. The word syllables has too many syllables. Aah!"  
"And as for Wolverine." Magneto continued. "We tried to get him on our side back when Xavier and I were allies, but that didn't go according to plan."  
"So you don't think he'll be interested?"  
"I highly doubt it."  
"I want to play Monopoly. But not that crappy new version with the cards. The old, original version where you can cheat by putting the notes under the board. Not that I do that..." Vampirella came out with.  
Magneto sighed again. "Can't you keep her quiet for two minutes?"  
"Here V!" Loki threw Vampirella some cheese.  
"CHEESE!" She sat down quietly and ate the cheese.  
"She wouldn't even be here still, only she's my half sister." Loki explained.  
"I am." Vampirella confirmed. "How do you eat oranges? Do you slice or peel? Coz everyone I know seems to peel them but I always thought you sliced them."

"Look, they will never get anything done if Vampirella's on their side." Jade said. "She's the strangest person I know and she has a very short attention span. They'll never get any plans sorted because she will start talking about cheese or oreos or Vodka or something random like that."  
"I hope for our sake you're right." Said Fury.  
Katie wanted to try to talk Vampirella out of this. She knew just plainly talking to her wouldn't help at all, so she tried the only other way she could think of.

Wednesdayite13~ KEEP CALM AND JOIN LOKI'S ARMY  
Katiez~V! Why?  
Wednesdayite13~Piffle told me to  
Katiez~Right. V!  
Wednesdayite13~Also I like the colour blue  
Katiez~Loki's eyes turn red  
Wednesdayite13~Yeah but it's blood red. Not crappy Peveril/SUFC red

"Hey guys. So they have Magneto and Mystique on their side, but Vampirella refused to ask Red Skull because one, he's red, and two, he sounds too much like Red Bull and she doesn't like that because it doesn't give you wings." Katie walked in looking at her phone.  
"How do you know?" Steve asked.  
"Vampirella's obsessed with Twitter."  
Steve started at her blankly. "...She tweets her plans?"  
"Told you she's weird."  
"But that's just...stupid."  
"She though Japan was south of Australia."  
"Oh."

"Ow ow where's my Ibuprofen?" Vampirella asked Loki.  
"You dropped them all in the nuclear reactor to see if it would float. Remember?"  
"Oh yeah. What about my TENS?"  
"You tried to eat that so I think it might be in the dining hall."  
"Oh great, thanks. Tim Minchin is played Judas Iscariot in Jesus Christ Superstar which I am going to see in October. I'm going to see Michael McIntyre in October as well. Well, I have Hydrotherapy. See ya." And she left.  
"FINALLY!"

Wednesdayite13~On way to Hydrotherapy  
LotusElise~Hey Vampirella, you know the Olympic flame passed through Boza 2day?  
Wednesdayite13~ What time?  
LotusElise~About 5ish  
Wednesdayite13~Oh good. I'll be back for it  
LotusElise~So you and Loki going?  
Wednesdayite13~Yeah. I'm interested and Loki doesn't trust me on my own in Boza  
LotusElise~I wonder why

Vampirella was thinking. Why did Elise want to know if she was going to be in Bolsover? She wondered if she should cancel just in case, but then she remembered that this isn't something that she'd be able to see every day. Actually, she could. She could travel back in time. But she wanted to see it when it was actually happening. Vampirella was still on her way to the Derby Hospital. She got out an orange, and peeled it. "Oh wow. I guess you can peel them." She then sat back, listened to her music, ate the orange and looked out for Eddie Stobarts. She was actually going to the Stobart Fest very soon. Her record so far is 27.

"Vampirella." Said a Shakespearian voice.  
"WHAT?! What do you want?! Can't you see I am about to enter a hospital?"  
"You always get here too early. We have time to talk."  
"Who said I want to talk?" Vampirella reached for her stick, but realised it wasn't there. That wouldn't be the first time she forgot it.  
"You're loosing your touch."  
"What's it to you?!"  
"Why are you tweeting your plans?"  
"I'm sorry, I didn't realise you had Twitter."  
"I actually do. I follow you, didn't you notice?" Thor watched as Vampirella got out her phone. "What are you doing?"  
"Following you on Twitter...I tweeted my plans so you guys would hopefully read them."

What was Vampirella up to? Who's side was she really on? She had just finished her weekly Hydrotherapy, which always leaves her warn out.  
"How are you doing V?" Thor asked.  
"I think my hands are gonna drop off. Apart from that, I'm fine." Vampirella looked into Thor's eyes, before saying "You don't trust me do you?"  
"I don't know. You do tweet your plans, but-"  
"How do you know it's not a trick? Trust me, I've done this stuff before. I know what people tend to think at this point."  
"I really am sorry about that hand."  
Vampirella tightened her bandage. The one on her left hand, she had to wear one on each. "It's OK."

"You're crazy! How do we know she's truly on her side?" Fury was...furious.  
"She's here, just so you know." Vampirella raised her hand.  
Katie looked at her latest tweet. 'Katie and Demon sitting in a bank...' "I don't trust her."  
Vampirella started coughing.  
"Are you OK?" Asked Cyclops.  
"I'm...fine." Her voice was a little croaky.  
"You don't sound fine." Jade said.  
"Well I am. Probably as Asgardian disease of something."  
Thor crossed his arms. "Oh of course, thanks."  
"Look, she is good at persuasion. She could persuade anyone to join us." Elise told them.  
"Puff the Magic Dragon." Vampirella sang. "Although can I just say that Magneto can manipulate metal so...That's bad for me, Stark, Steve and Thor."  
"How is it?" Elise asked.  
"Well because I'm metal, Stark's suit is metal, Steve's shield is metal and Thor's hammer is-"  
"Metal." They all said.  
Vampirella coughed again.

"Where has Vampirella got to?" Loki asked.  
"She isn't back yet?" Mystique asked.  
"No. She should be back by now."

"Ruby-quartz. Impressive. I bet they didn't take kindly to them at your school though." Vampirella was talking to Cyclops.  
"No. Trying to hide my mutation didn't really work out. I ended up destroying part of the school."  
"You NEED to come to Bolsover!" She joked.  
"Does anyone at your school know about you?"  
"Only the ones you met. No-one else. We think my German teacher has his suspicions but we don't know for sure."  
"...So why are you doing this? I mean did you just switch sides or were you spying on them all along?" He asked.  
"I didn't know which side I should join." She admitted. "So I looked at both. Me and Loki are close but I'm not staying on a side with someone who can manipulate metal."  
"So you go against him?"  
"Not one of my best plans, no."

"What does J.A.R.V.I.S. stand for?" Katie asked.  
"Just A Rather Very Intelligent System." Vampirella replied.  
"It actually does." Stark confirmed.  
"Oh my God does it really? I literally just made that up."


	5. The Lost Pocket

Vampirella was sat on Deviantart. She wasn't literally sat on Deviantart, she had the laptop on her knee and she was looking at Deviantart. She was looking at Thorki. Yeah, she was kinda pervish when it came to that. Is pervish a real word? Oh well, it was in Vampirella's mind. Although, Zuckle-Knuckle-Zoop was also a word in Vampirella's mind. A lot of crazy stuff went on in her mind. She even had crazy dreams. Vampirella explained one of them to the others.  
"We were going into history when Mr Edwards said that there's someone here to talk to us about the Stuart era. So we walked into class, sat down and waited for this guy to come. Then in walked Charles II...Yeah. I asked him if he liked cheese. He did. I poked him and tried to eat his arm. I also got a Royal Hug. Eventually, Elise asked how the hell Charles II was here in this time. He was about to explain, but Mrs D ran into the classroom and started dancing and singing Oil In My Lamp. He tried again, but Mr Manship ran in and sang the British Isles song. He tried for the third time to explain, but Herr Tightjeans came in and asked what the hell was going on. We said that we were trying to find out how Charles II was here but random teachers keep running in and singing stuff. Herr Tighejeans (AKA Mr Drury) reached into his pocket and got out a guitar (I seem to be having dreams about magical pockets at the moment) and started playing the King of Bling. Mr Orangejuice (AKA Mr Robinson) ran in, pulled out a drum kit from his pocket and played to the song. I then went into my blazer pocket, pulled out my electric guitar, and played along. Elise reached into her pocket, pulled out a violin, and played that. So there was me, Elise, Herr Tightjeans and Mr Orangejuice playing the backing track of King of Bling. Mr Edwards pulled out a microphone from his pocket and threw it to Charles II. He sang. The whole class joined in, and we ended up having a whole sing along. Jade Race then ran into our class, reached into her pocket and pulled out: a Swiss Army Knife, a Samurai Sword, a cannon, a fully armored tank and a pen knife. She stabbed Herr Tightjeans with a pen knife. Then a huge fight broke out. Taryn and Katie just ran in randomly and joined in. I sat down in my seat, pulled out some cheese, and ate it..."

Vampirella had been missing for a while, so Loki had assumed that she had joined The Avengers after all. Not that he was too bothered. At least they'd finally get some work done without being interrupted about cheese facts.

Elise was revising for her RE exam. She was probably the only one who was. She was [predicted an A after all. Although come to think of it, so was Vampirella. Yeah, that was never gonna happen. Unlike Vampirella, Elise actually revised for exams. It was a GCSE as well. Even though they were in Year 9.

Jade was listening to JLS. Not many people know this, but she had actually gotten Vampirella into JLS. Jade got tickets to see JLS for her birthday. The concert was nowhere near her birthday, but she got the tickets then anyway. She was saying how she had the urge to throw a water bottle to knock them over. Apparently there was this really annoying girl sat in front of her who was constantly screaming through every song. Maybe Jade should have thrown the water bottle at her.

Katie was putting off her homework. She was sat talking to Stark. They got on well. Really well. Not in that way, by the way. She was going out with someone called Demon. Although, they had learnt not to make out if the door is unlocked...

Taryn had been quick to leave school and get back to the Avenger's headquarters. She was supposed to stay back with Herr Tightjeans, but that was never going to happen. Vampirella might have, but Taryn? Nope. Not that he'd notice anyway. He was very badly organized.

Vampirella reached into her pocket for her student card, but she noticed something wrong. She ran into the main room and yelled "HELP! I'VE LOST MY POCKET!"


	6. Oil In My Lamp

How many RE teachers dance around the classroom singing Oil In My Lamp? Probably not many. That's one of the great things about the Bolsover School. Some teachers were insane. Sure, taking GCSEs early was stupid and Vampirella was probably the only one who liked it but even so. She was in science with Rachel. They both always burst out laughing when they saw their teacher. You'll find out why soon.  
"So you will be doing your own experiment today." The teacher began.  
Vampirella whispered to Rachel "What about seeing how many wet sponges it takes to soak your science teacher?"  
There was a fate on at school. Vampirella threw wet sponges at her science and German teacher while filming it. These videos are now on Youtube.

It was Week 2 Wednesday. Vampirella loved Thursday Week 2. ICT, CDT, PE, PE and then double English had to come along a ruin everything. It should have ended with RE and PSHE or something like that. She loved Fridays too, back when she actually went. In Year 10 she was taking Music, Triple Science, German, History, English, Maths, Science and Art as an extra. On Friday Week 2, she had Art, Science, Geography, Music, Geography and German. Four of her favourite lessons. Although, that does mean she only had Geography once every fortnight, she hated that lesson.

Loki was bored stiff. Maybe he was bothered about Vampirella joining the Avengers after all. Oh well, the Revengers are so much better. OK, they have a Hulk but the Revengers have...erm...The Revengers were better! End of! It did bother him, but he wouldn't let it show. Both his brother and half sister were against him now.

"But Vampirella has done this before. She was first on our side, then she betrayed us. But she didn't actually betray us, it was just a trick so she could spy on the other time. Well, that's what she said anyway. It turned out that she never joined our side to start with." Katie explained.  
Elise just gave her a blank look. "I'm confused."  
Neither of them noticed that Vampirella was standing in the doorway. "Yes, but your side didn't have cheese. This does."  
"We had cheese!" Katie complained.  
"Brie! That is a poor excuse of cheese. I want proper foot cheese."

Tuna. Pudding. Tuna pudding. Loki was craving tuna pudding. Tuna pudding doesn't even exist. He wanted tuna pudding anyway...Tuna pudding.  
"Loki." Magneto started. "I bring good news for you."  
"Do you have tuna pudding?"  
"...No. We do however have two new recruits."  
"Do they have tuna pudding?"  
"Shut up about tuna pudding. Loki, meet Dr Doom and Doctor Octopus."  
Loki glared at Doctor Octopus. "But you have four...never mind."  
Magneto sighed. "Loki-"  
"How are you an octopus? You're more like a quadropus."  
"Loki! He's Doctor Octopus, tuna pudding does not exist and no you can not have a cat." Loki had asked for a cat earlier. "Now can we focus?!"

It was hot. Like hot hot. In fact, they were feeling hot hot hot.  
"What temperature is it?" Jade asked, worn out.  
"24 degrees Celcius." Jarvis replied.  
"That's really not that much compared to other countries is it?" Elise asked.  
"No, but that's typical English weather for you. You'll either die of heat stroke or die of frost bite." Vampirella got a bottle of water and poured it over her head, before remembering that she was part Frost Giant and could easily make them all cool. "Oh." Ice covered the walls.  
Stark sat back. "That is so much better."  
Thor didn't know what they were complaining about. They were in a war, they could come under attack any second, and they were complaining about the weather. Typical English people. Stark wasn't even English! He was just staying there because most of The Avengers were now English. Although, he had to admit that the most British sounding out of The Avengers/Revengers was Loki. Typical British villain.

Jade was panicking. Vampirella was panicking. Elise was panicking. "RE EXAM!"  
Stark entered the main room. "What have I missed?" He asked Thor.  
"Apparently there's an RE exam."  
"There better be a question about Non-Conformist Churches or I will scream!" She had persuaded Steve to help her revise. The only thing she kept forgetting was the Non-Conformist Churches, so Steve kept going on and on about that.

Before going into the exam, she got a text message from an unknown number. It said 'Good luck with your exam, just make sure you talk about the right God'

Steve seemed to get on well with Vampirella. Again, not in that way. Vampirella had a boyfriend. It may have had something to do with the fact that Vampirella had also been around to see WW2. Not that she was older that she looked, she was only a teenager, but she was a time traveller. Steve heard a knock. He opened the door to a screaming vampire. "SEE? I SAID I'D DO IT! NOT ONE QUESTION! And what the hell is the Golden Rule?"


	7. Simply The Best

"There must be a lot of drug use in Sheffield coz Sheffield United are under the illusion that they are a Premiership team." Vampirella joked.  
"Yes that's very nice." Stark really didn't care. "Now about Loki's army."  
"Well I prefer Dave Jone's Barmy Army."  
Taryn sighed. "Since we are not going to get a word out of Vampirella that isn't football related, let's just pretend she's not here."  
Thor and Steve agreed.

Meanwhile, on Jotunheim.  
"OK, the Avengers will not get a single thing done. This is to our advantage."  
Magneto eyed Loki. "And how do you know this?"  
"Oh, because Huddersfield beat United at Wembley meaning they get promoted to the Championship and Wednesday were promoted automatically so Vampirella will be gloating and celebrating constantly now."  
"...Again, how do you know?"

Vampirella had even gone to the trouble of designing a "deed to Sheffield" which she posted to Deviantart. It said 'By signing this document, all legal rights of Sheffield will belong to you, meaning that United will have to fuck off. You are responsible for any pigs who are under the illusion that they are a Premiership team. By signing this document, you are also confirming the claims made by owls that you are massive.'


	8. So Long and Thanks For All The Tuna

Loki was still craving tuna pudding. He possessed magical powers. He is a God. He does what he wants. Why can't he have tuna pudding? Oh yes, because he's meant to be plotting against the superhero wannabes. But plotting is soooo boring! It would be so much better if he was enjoying his tuna pudding, but noooo. He had to be all serious just because he was the leader of The Revengers. And anyway, Loki was the better of the group so why shouldn't he get the tuna pudding? Unlike the others, Loki did get what he wanted. He was king of Asgard for a short while, and he used the Bifrost to destroy Jotunheim. Magneto never achieved mutant superiority. Doctor Octopus once lost one of his mechanical arms. On his own, he would have got his revenge by now. Loki looked around and noticed he was alone.  
"I destroyed Jotunheim. I threw Stark out of a window. I will get my revenge...AND my tuna pudding."

"Hey, where's the Wuetend gruenen Kerl?" Vampirella asked.  
"The what?" Thor asked, confused.  
"That's German for angry green guy." Jade explained. She did French at school, but she listened to her friend enough to know what certain German words are.  
"Anger management." Stark replied coolly.  
Steve sighed. "He's in his lab. Don't wind him up."  
"Can't, my wrist doesn't turn that much." She said, getting up and walking out.

"Hey Banner!"  
"Oh...hi." He said in his usual nervous tone.  
"So I heard about the gamma radiation thing. I say heard, more read...I say read, more sat and looked at pictures with a little bit of writing in a strange font you'll only find in comic books. Shit did I say comic books?"  
Dr Banner laughed a little. "I've seen the comics. So what brings you here anyway?"  
Really, Vampirella had no idea why she was there. "I dunno, I got bored discussing stuff with words in it with two or more syllables." Even though the word 'syllables' had more that two syllables.  
"So you decided to come here, my lab?"  
"Oh this science stuff doesn't bore me. I do understand these words, I just don't like them."

"Loki?"  
Loki turned around to see who the voice belonged to. "The whole of Midgard, and I ran into you?"  
"What are you doing here?"  
"I want pudding. But since I ran into you." Loki reached for his staff. He looked around. "Pity, no windows."

"Vampirella." Steve shouted.  
"Oh, hello."  
Steve thought something was amiss, but he didn't voice his concern. "What have you been up to? Done your English homework yet?"  
"Yeah, of course, why?"  
Steve had his shield ready. "Who are you and what have you done with Vampirella?"  
"I don't know what you're talking about."  
"There's at least three weeks left on that homework. Vampirella would never do it ahead of time."  
"OK, you caught me." Vampirella, or whoever it was, started to turn blue. Her eyes glowed an orangey colour.

Stark really wished he had his armour. Why did he open his big mouth? Loki knew he was going to enjoy this. He needed some excitement, what with being stuck with those bores. He heard that Mystique had been fun when she was younger, but something happened and she joined Magneto. He would have found out, but he got bored.

Thor wondered when something was actually going to happen. So far they had been either sat waiting or sat listening to Vampirella go off on one of her random things. He wondered if it was like that when she was with Loki for a short while. He wondered how many times Loki had heard the word 'cheese' or whatever else she's obsessed with.

Fury wondered if this whole Avengers Initiative was such a good idea. Maybe they would have been better off without the random Bolsover School students. Why Bolsover? What's so great about Bolsover? Those girls could have chosen to go anywhere in the world. In the universe. So why Bolsover? Director Fury would never understand that.

"You know you can't do that trick with your staff on me." Stark reminded Loki.  
"Oh I know. I don't need to."

"Intruder. Intruder." Jarvis warned.  
"Intruder? Where?" Thor asked.  
"My room? What the hell?! They better stay away from my stuff!" Vampirella yelled.

"What are you doing here?" Stark asked again.  
"I want pudding." Loki repeated.  
"The God of Mischief came to Earth to get pudding. I highly doubt it."  
"You clearly don't know me." Loki's voice really was like a cat. All posh and...well...nice. Just nice. Vampirella could listen to Loki all day.

Vampirella burst through the door, only to find Steve unconscious on the floor. Ha, that rhymes. Door. Floor. Yes, anyway.  
"Shi...Schnitzel."  
Thor looked around and noticed that Steve was the only one there (besides Thor and Vampirella obviously) "So where is the intruder?"  
"Who cares? Why the hell didn't you spot him or her earlier?!" Vampirella was mad that a possible enemy had snuck into her room...Oh, and she was concerned for Steve too. But how dare they enter her room?!  
"Aren't you a medic?"  
"Oh. Yes. Medic. Of course."


	9. Eddie are you OK?

Everyone was in the main room.  
"Loki said he wanted pudding! I couldn't get any sense out of him." Stark complained.  
"There was an intruder in my room!" Vampirella yelled. Thor coughed at her. "Oh, and hurt Steve. BUT THEY WERE IN MY ROOM!"  
Katie glared at Vampirella. "How do we know you weren't the one who did that anyway?"  
"Erm, maybe coz I WASN'T THERE!"  
"Oh? Where were you then?" She asked.  
"Don't you remember anything?! I was at the Stob fest! I had my picture taken with Phoebe Grace and Edd Stobart. He's soooo nice by the way. I even have this pen that I keep pretending is a flashy thing thing to prove it!" She held up her Stobart pen. "Then I came back and all this was happening."  
Stark didn't trust Vampirella either. "You talked to Banner didn't you?"  
"That was when I got back! For God's sake! Do you want proof I was there? Well I have proof. I have the pictures and the autographs!" The vampire yelled.  
"I actually believe her. She is sad enough." Vampirella glared at Elise. "You said it, not me."  
That's when Steve walked in. He was supposed to be resting but he heard the argument. "You can't seriously be blaming Vampirella for this?"  
"Not just her." Stark corrected. "Her army."  
"Loki's army!" Vampirella shouted. "I'm not working with someone who can manipulate metal!"  
"I think he's rather awesome."  
"Yes Taryn, we all know you think he's rather awesome." Jade sighed.  
Katie stood up. "Well I'm on Stark's side here. You can't be trusted!"  
Steve stood beside Vampirella. "Yes she can!"  
Elise just sat back. "I'm staying neutral." She then whispered to Thor, who was also staying neutral. "We all know what happened last time there was an argument."  
Vampirella heard. "I don't think an argument between Gods is quite the same. I'm not going to go and destroy planets any time soon. Although I wouldn't complain if I had to."

"If it's any consolation." Said Dr Banner. "I trust you."  
Vampirella sighed. "Thanks. But I'm pretty sure it's only you and Steve who do." Vampirella had her earphones in, but the music was quiet so she could still talk to Banner.  
"What are you listening to anyway?"  
Vampirella unplugged the earphones. Complete silence. "John Cage's 4:33. Great song. Catchy."  
Dr Banner laughed a little. He loved Vampirella's strangeness. "I'm sorry I'm not making you feel any better, I'm no good at that."  
"It's OK. Wait a sec, this is the best bit."

Loki saw the whole argument. He sort of felt a little sorry for Vampirella, but he didn't let it show. Then he thought that it was her own fault and it wouldn't have happened if she didn't switch sides...It wouldn't have happened if she'd joined his side in the first place.

Vampirella was sat alone watching Horrible Histories. It was the episode with Wonders of the Viking Universe. She loved this one because it talked about what the Vikings believed. AKA Asgard. The guy playing Brian mentioned the Son of Odin giving birth to a six legged horse. The first time she watched it, she yelled "WHICH SON OF ODIN?!" and the practically whole estate heard her. At least she knew how to pronounce Yggdrasil now. Taryn also liked watching Horrible Histories. Her and Vampirella watched the proms together once, which is when they pointed out the epic fail. Is it George I or George II who died on the loo? Make your minds up!

"Oh by the way, how was the Stob Fest?" Rachel asked.  
"No!" Jade yelled.  
"OH MY GOD IT WAS AMAZING! I MET EDD STOBART, ASHLEY MADDOCKS, MARK DIXON AND RAY BROAD AND I HAD MY PICTURE TAKEN WITH THEM! I SAT ON PHOEBE GRACE! I BOUGHT AN EDDIE PEN, AN EDDIE TEDDIE AND AN EDDIE SHIRT AND I HAVE THEIR AUTOGRAPHS AND EDD PUT HIS ARM AROUND ME AND HE ASKED WHERE I'M FROM AND HE'S VOICE IS SOOO NICE AND MARK DIXON HAD A MCDONALDS WAITING FOR HIM COZ HE LOVES THEM AND RAY WAS BURNING!"  
Jade and Rachel glared at Vampirella. Apparently it was good.


	10. Heaven on their Minds

Vampirella was panicking. She had a German speaking test tomorrow and she's missed lots of German lessons due to either being ill or being at the hospital. Oh yes, she has suspected appendicitis but it's not that and now they don't know what it is. Sound familiar? So anyway, point is she missed lots of German lessons. She most sensible thing to do now is to either email her teacher, ask a friend or just do as much preparation as she can and remind the teacher that she wasn't there. So Vampirella put on one of her many coats, went outside and flew to Sheffield to buy a new Sheffield Wednesday shirt. It had the owl on it and it said 'This City Is Ours'

"What's the buzz? Tell me what's a-happening." Vampirella sang as she walked through the door.  
"I'll tell you what's a-happening." Jade mocked. "Loki's army are attacking. But that's fine, what are you up to?"  
"Oh, well I dreamed I met a Galilean." She said. Points for guessing what she was obsessing about right now.  
"Right. About Loki's army." Jade continued. "You're thoughts on defeating them?"  
Vampirella sighed. "It seems to me a strange thing, mystifying."  
"Argh! We are not going to get one helpful word out of you are we?"  
"I thought you knew me? Anyway, I doubt it's any help but there's something I want to do." Jade glared at her. "What? I have no thought at all about my own reward."  
"Go on then. What is it you want to do?" She asked.  
Ever heard Herod's Song? Vampirella loved it. "Loki, I am overjoyed to meet you face to face. You've been getting quite a name all around the place. Magic powers, avoiding your death. I understand that you're a God. At least that's what you said. So...The God of Lies, you are the God of Lies. Prove to me that you're divine. Make some snakes out of this wine. That's all you need do, and I'll know it's all true. Come on Loki, God of Lies. Loki you just won't believe the hit you've made around here. You are all we talk about, you're the wonder of the year. Oh what a pity if it's all a lie. Still I'm sure that you can rock on Midgard if you try. So, the God of Lies, you are the God of Lies. Prove to me that you're no fool, throw Jade in my swimming pool. If you do that for me then I'll let you go free. Come on God of Lies." Instrumental! Time for a quick tap dance. "If you're the God of Lies, mischievous God of Lies. Please make snakes out of this wine, you can do it on Jotunheim. Or has something gone wrong? Why do you take so long? Come on Loki God of Lies!"

Vampirella and Jade decided to randomly sing at Loki and his army. You heard of Jesus Must Die? That's the tune to what they sang. Jade started. "What then to do about this God from Jotunheim? Mischievous liar, master of pranks."  
It turned into a duet between Vampirella and Jade. If you didn't know, this was the tune of Jesus Must Die. "Why do you ask me? He's not my enemy. You didn't trust me anyway."  
"But Loki is insane, he'd kill us all if Thor wasn't with us. Anyway, you should call."  
"Yes I would call them but then they would come and I do not want that, I don't wanna run."  
Loki knew this was the only way to get through to these two right now so...Desperate times... "I see the World War Two soldier. Though the war wasn't won by America. I see the millionaire. The one who wants Shawarma, with the messy hair. The one who wants Shawarma, with the messy hair."  
Vampirella folded her arms. "Don't diss, don't diss the messy hair."  
Loki laughed. "You broke the hairbrush while brushing your hair."  
Vampirella glared at Loki. "Don't diss, don't diss, don't diss the, don't diss the messy hair."  
Jade sighed. They were still singing by the way. "We still need to know how to defeat his army."  
Loki giggled. "Well I would help but that's besides the point."  
Vampirella laughed. "I'm not going anywhere near Magneto. Manipulates metal, won't help with my joints."  
Another voice joined in. "Fools you don't know what you're doing. But I went ahead and looked up some stuff. Loki's not really evil. He just wants revenge, being second is tough." They turned around to see Katie.  
Vampirella nodded. "Second to everything back on Asgard. The crown, the throne, it must have been hard. Second to everything back on Asgard."  
They all sang the last line. "The crown, the throne, it must have been must have been must have been hard."  
Vampirella sighed, looked around and said "Anyone got any palm leaves?"  
"Is that true?" Jade asked Loki.  
Loki sighed. "I...get envious. I guess I must have taken things...a little too far."  
Jade thought for a while. "You can come back with us, if that's OK."  
Vampirella folded her arms. "Erm, excuse me? You don't trust me coz I was on Loki's army for like three days but you welcome Loki?!"  
"Loki didn't try to destroy Earth four times." Jade argued. "Well Loki?"  
He thought for a while, before saying "I can haz cheeseburger?"  
Before leaving, Loki and Vampirella smiled. The plan was working.

Disaster. Big big big disaster. Huge.  
"Elise, pass us your bobble."  
"No not my bobble!"  
"Elise! Pass it!"  
"Fine, just don't damage the flower."  
"Get a caretaker."  
"And what?"  
"Well he has a key."  
"But I doubt he'd unlock the gate for us."  
"It's worth a try."

Vampirella left school laughing. "Ha, my pen looks awesome." Her Eddie Stobart pen had slid under the gate to the school field at school. It got slightly scratched, but Vampirella thought the scratch looked awesome.  
"Erm, what?" Loki asked as Vampirella ran in.  
"SCRATCH!" She tried to eat the part of the pen with the scratch. She was obsessed with scratches now. "My guitar also has scratches on it because a book case fell on it."  
Loki just nodded and walked away.


	11. Blue Blooded Blues

People were sick to death of hearing about the Royal Diamond Jubilee.  
So Vampirella sang to the tune of the National Anthem. "How did I get up here? I'm loving the weather. See our PM. I like those boats, no lie. Painted at Autosupplies. I believe that I can fly coz I'm the Queen." Seriously though. Charles I was executed for treason. (He came to Bolsover by the way, just saying) Charles II was the king who brought back partying. Henry VIII was famous for having six wives, two of which he has executed. King John was well known for the Magna Carta. What has Queen Elizabeth II done? Nothing.

"We've got the blue blooded blues in a blue Stuart shoes. Each king queen and heir had our personal nightmare. Have you read the news? We got the blue blooded blues." Vampirella and Taryn loved Horrible Histories. Vampirella could sit and watch Charles II scenes all day.

Loki, Thor, Stark and Steve were watching How The Avengers Should Have Ended. They just loved Loki's dodged up laugh in it. And the "Here comes the hammer crew" part. The ending just made them want Shawarma.  
Loki nodded. "Yes. Yes it should." Stark and Steve were, understandably, wary of Loki but Thor was, obviously, fine with it.  
"Shall we get Shawarma?" Stark asked.  
"Let's." Thor replied.  
"As long as we don't run into Superman and Batman." Loki said as he walked out. Thor laughed.

The Avengers were on their way to see the first ever SJS Show Live.  
"Hello Sheffield!" Vampirella yelled in a Michael McIntyre way. "Since it's Sheffield, I just have to say 'This city is ours! This city is ours!"  
"Who wants Shawarma?" Jade yelled. The audience cheered. "Well if you find some, let us know."  
"Oh my Loki guys! I have homework due tomorrow." Vampirella realised.  
"What lesson?" Jade asked,  
"Geography. But it's going to be so awkward coz I miss two of the three Geography lessons per fortnight and my normal teacher isn't there." She explained.  
"What?! No British Isles?"  
"No. No British Isles." The two girls pretended to cry.  
"Well, if you're watching this-" Jade started.  
Vampirella interrupted with "Which I highly doubt."  
"We hope you feel better soon. In fact, this song is for you!"  
And the two girls sang the British Isles song Vampirella wrote. "British Isles. England, Ireland, Scotland. Wales and Egypt. Germany and France. British Isles. I-I-I-Isles." They did the Jai Ho hand movements because Vampirella's Geography teacher, and Jade's former Geography teacher, always moved his hands loads when he spoke.  
Vampirella went back stage after the song, leaving Jade on her own. "Guess what? After this concert, we are GOING TO ASGARD!" The audience cheered. "Vampirella's already been apparently, she met Thor once. I really don't want to know what happened there." The audience clapped and laughed. "But first, she walked across the Rainbow Bridge. What did she hope to find? A pot of gold? Oh no."  
That's when Vampirella ran back on in a Nyan Cat style outfit singing "Nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan..." And so on. That earned them another set of cheers, laughs and claps.  
Vampirella then said "I sent my German teacher an email and he send me one back saying 'No worries, Saffron, we can perhaps do it after half term.' My horoscope said that someone will make an offer I can't refuse." There was a mixture of laughs and eeews. "Now, for starters, I had a rather thick week last week and forgot to tell him who I was. So how he got Saffron out of babbong .uk I have no idea." They laughed and clapped again.  
"I can turn blue." Vampirella came out with before turning blue.  
"You're blue daba dee daba di." Jade sang.  
"Now ladies, gentlemen and Blades. We are proud to welcome onto the stage, singing Witchy Woman, it's the best Eagles tribute band around, Motel California!"  
After they had performed, Vampirella came back on stage with Jade. She was all hyper and said "THE FRONT MAN IS MY GERMAN TEACHER!"  
"And I'm sorry guys but that's all we have time for." Jade said.  
"So we'll leave you with this." Vampirella said, holding her microphone. "Otherwise I'd be arrested for theft."  
They both yelled. "So long and thanks for all the fish." And with that, their theme played.


	12. Snakes

"LOKI! Stay still. Don't move." Vampirella warned.  
"Erm, isn't staying still and not moving pretty much the same thing?"  
"Don't turn around."  
"How can I turn around if I'm staying still?" Loki felt something against his leg. "What's that?"  
"Nothing!"  
"Tell me V!"  
Vampirella sighed. "OK, just don't freak out when I tell you this...It's a venomous snake."  
Loki remembered what happened with the snake back on Asgard. He read a book on Norse Mythology and he thought the bowl thing would have been a good idea if SOMEONE HAD ACTUALLY BOTHERED! Although he did feel bad about that earthquake he caused, the one in England in, what was it? 2008? more or less.

Steve noticed that Vampirella and Loki were missing. "Where-"  
"They went out to...erm...I have no idea." Jade tried her best at explaining.  
"Thanks, that really cleared things up." Steve replied sarcastically.

Loki tried not to freak out, but it was proving to be rather difficult.  
"Loki just walk forward really slowly."  
"You told me to stay still!"  
"Yes but now the snake looks like it might bite you so-"  
"WHY TELL ME THAT?!" The snake moved up to Loki's arm, mouth wide open.  
"OK OK new plan." Vampirella got out her stick and blasted the snake, stunning it.  
Loki was still pretty shaken up. He walked slowly to his half-sister. "W-Why...was there a snake...in Sheffield?"  
"I have no idea...You OK?"  
"Yeah yeah...fine..."  
"Liar!"

As Loki and Vampirella returned, Thor noticed his brother was shaken. "Loki? What is wrong?"  
Loki sighed. "Nothing, Thor. Nothing's wrong." He left and hurried to his room.  
"There was a snake. Venomous." Vampirella told Thor. "Wow, what happened must have been horrible."  
"You know of that?" Thor asked.  
"Vikings think that's the reason that earthquakes happen. It's a big Norse Mythology thing."

Vampirella was reading the book Loki had read about Norse Mythology. "The Gods realized that their toleration of Loki had allowed evil to grow in Asgard. Loki knew the Gods would punish him severely. A wise God names Kvasir fashioned a net that finally snared Loki. As punishment for his evil, the Gods fastened Loki to three stones with ropes. Over his head, a poisonous snake dripped venom onto his face. When Loki screamed, it is believed that the entire Earth shook with earthquakes."  
Steve was also with Vampirella. "That was a little harsh."  
Vampirella skipped to the part about sewing his mouth shut. "Loki's tricks could be amusing, but other times they almost led to his, or someone else's, destruction. Loki once travelled to Svartalfheim, home of the dwarves. Blah blah blah. Now , the two dwarves demanded their payment, Loki's head. Thor agreed that the gods should keep their word, and he raised his sword above Loki's neck. But Loki shouted at him to stop. He had promised his head, he explained, but he did not include any part of his neck, so Thor could not cut it. Enraged at being thwarted, the dwarves sewed Loki's lips together with leather string as punishment for his deception."  
Steve was confused. "Well Thor wouldn't do that...would he?"

"That is pretty much how it happened." They had shown Thor the Norse Mythology book. "Except I was here on Midgard at the time."

Meanwhile, Taryn was on her way to Stark Towers. She should have stayed back with Herr Tightjeans but that didn't really happen.

"Taryn? Shouldn't you be at school still?" Stark asked.  
"Yeah, but Herr Tightjeans didn't turn up."  
"...Taryn...What did you do?!"  
Let's just say, he won't be making an appearance any time soon.


	13. Haunting?

Jade turned on her laptop for 'homework'. She typed in .com (It was advantages and disadvantages of Facebook apparently).

"OH MY GOD!" Vampirella, Thor and Steve heard coming from Jade's room.  
"Jade! What's up?" Vampirella asked.  
Jade just showed them the screen. It was a picture of someone restraining Loki while the other sewed his mouth shut. "I typed in Facebook and this came up."

Elise was in Chesterfield. She wanted to know if Vampirella wanted to meet up. She was about to send her a text when she glanced in HMV and saw a DVD she thought Vampirella would like. It was the animated Avengers:Earth's Mightiest Heroes. She bought the DVD and took it to Stark Towers where she hoped Vampirella would be.

Rachel and Samantha were also in town when they heard some music. It sounded like Vampirella's ringtone, but she was nowhere to be seen. Her ringtone is 'Mighty Thor'. They followed the music, and came across the place where Vampirella bought those belts for £15 each. Transformers and Thundercats. She said next time she went, she'd buy the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles one. Rachel was drawn to a belt that had 'I do what I want' written in green writing. She felt like she had to buy it. As soon as she did, the music stopped.

"V! I bought something for you." Elise yelled. When she found her friend, she gave her the DVD.  
"Oh wow. Thanks Elise." Vampirella hugged Elise before saying "Me wanna watch."  
But when she played the DVD on Jade's laptop, it wasn't Earth's Mightiest Heroes. There was just static. Vampirella made some joke about a girl crawling out of Jade's laptop and she said "Yeah, you with wet hair." Everyone said that Vampirella looked like Samara when her hair was wet.  
A loud explosion noise startled them. Lots of writing came up. It was really fast so they couldn't make out anything.

"I do what I want." Said Samantha. "Is that from a film or something?"  
"I don't know." Rachel just stared at the belt she had just bought. "It does sound familiar."

"Sir, there is an incoming message." Jarvis told Stark.  
"Play it."  
They didn't hear anything at first, but after a while they heard footsteps. What freaked Stark out the most was the voice that came next. It sounded like a sweet little girl. "I'm behind you."  
Stark turned around quickly, but no-one was there. He turned back round to see the rather very intelligent system smashed up.

Jade slowed down the writing so the could read what it said. It was exactly what the Norse Mythology book said about the snake and the mouth stitching.

Meanwhile, Loki was sat alone in his room. He heard a knocking at his door. "Go away!" He yelled, but the knocking didn't stop. He got up to open the door. "I said go...away." No-one was there. He just returned to his room, but the knocking continued.

Mighty Thor played again, but this time it WAS Vampirella's phone. "Steve can you take this?"  
"Sure. Hello?"  
"Oh, hi Steve. Where's V?"  
"She's here. She's just busy. What's up?"  
"I bought a belt which said 'I do what I want' It sounds familiar, is it from a film or something?"

"Steve?"  
"...No. No. Not a film."  
"Then what?"  
"It's not important. Look, I have to go. Talk to you later?" Steve didn't wait for a reply, he just hung up.  
Rachel did that really dodged up thing that people do in movies when someone hangs up. She looked at her phone. Why do people do that?  
"What did she say?" Samantha asked.  
"It wasn't Vampirella, it was Steve...That was weird."

Jade heard a knock on her door. "Come in." It was Loki.  
"Loki?" Thor went up to his brother. "What's wrong?"  
"I heard knocking but no-one was there but when I shut the door again the knocking returned. I'm sorry it just freaked me out a little."  
"It's OK Loki, don't apologize." Thor led his brother to where they were sat with Jade.  
"Who was on the phone anyway?" Jade asked Steve.  
"Oh it was Rachel." He said as Vampirella started drinking Vimto. "She said she bought a belt that said 'I do what I want'"  
Spit take! "Why do I always do that?!"

They were all in the main room.  
"OK." Vampirella started. "So Rachel bought a belt with Loki's catchphrase written on it, Norse Mythology stuff is on a DVD which is meant to be Avengers:Earth's Mightiest Heroes, Loki keeps hearing knocking, there was a venomous snake in Sheffield and Stark's computer gets smashed up?"  
"We heard your ringtone." Rachel added.  
"Mighty Thor?" Vampirella asked.  
"Yes." Samantha confirmed.  
Jade was trying to wipe the Vimto off of her arm. "V. If you're expecting to hear shocking news, DON'T START DRINKING!" Vampirella always ends up doing spit takes. She really has to learn to only drink if she's alone.  
"Anyway." Vampirella said. "Loki created an earthquake in England. That's my job!" Back on Vampirella's home planet, she once fell into her leader while she was ninja training with her two cousins and the ninja master. Long story short, she created a huge earthquake.

They decided to take their minds off all this weird stuff by watching the Royal Diamond Jubilee. It was typical. All week it was boiling hot. Now it was chucking it down. To be honest, Vampirella was only interested because she had connections with Autosupplies (bigger connections than the rest of the Bolsover School since they also had connections. Vampirella had a lot to do with the business way before she even went to that school. Just so you know) and they did the paint for the flag poles. The poles were made in Stavely. She couldn't remember the exact colour, but the colour code was RAL 1015 and it was an Ivory colour of some sort.  
The boats were just about to set off, but the TV change channels. Jade tried to change back to BBC1 but it just changed back to the other channel again. It was a Documentary. A Documentary on Norse Mythology.  
"OK!" Vampirella used her psychic abilities to turn the TV off. "This is just getting creepy!"  
The one who was mostly creeped out by all of this was clearly Loki. But what freaked them out the most wasn't the snake, or the knocking, or the DVD. No. It was...Piffle. She had just come up to Thor to be stroked.  
"AAAHHH!" Vampirella screamed. "PIFFLE!"


	14. Obladi

oki didn't want to be left alone. He didn't want to admit it, but he was scared. Thor noticed this. He wanted to be there for his brother but he didn't want to annoy Loki. But he wouldn't. Never. Loki wanted to forget about their plans, but he knew he would have to talk to Vampirella first.

Vampirella and Jade were discussing their next SJS Show. It was a Jeremy Kyle Musical, starring Elise and Jeremy Kyle. Don't ask.  
"Vampirella." Said Loki. "Can I talk to you a sec? Privately."  
"Sure. Jade, do you mind?"  
Jade shook her head. "Not at all." She started typing something on Vampirella's laptop as they left.  
"What's up Loki?"  
"It's...these plans."  
"Starting to have second thoughts?"  
"Yes."  
Vampirella nodded. "Me too."

Vampirella returned to her laptop with Loki. Jade was laughing.  
"Jade?" Vampirella asked. "What did you do?"  
"Sent Herr Tightjeans a message from you saying 'I loooove you'"  
Loki laughed, but Vampirella just said "I'm not complaining."  
Loki elbowed Vampirella. "V! You have a boyfriend!"

"No-one ever says 'go' any more. Everyone's always hopping, popping or jumping. I'll just jump in the bath. I've got an image of someone on a diving board and jumping into a bath." Vampirella was going off on one of her random things.  
Steve sighed. "Well I'll just pop to the shops."

Loki and Vampirella were out and about when Loki spotted something. Unfortunately, so did Loki. Vampirella ran dramatically in a Chariots of Fire sort of way while Loki followed. "Wait! It's a-" They were suddenly surrounded by a load of ice. It was a sort of ice cage. "Trap." Loki glared at the ejit vampire stood next to him. "Don't eat the cheese."...She ate the cheese.

"Where are Vampirella and Loki? They've been gone a while." Jade asked.  
"I know what you're thinking." Thor began.  
"Well prove me wrong then! You can't say it's not suspicious."  
"Well no but-"  
"Exactly."

"You're an apple!" Vampirella yelled at their capturers.  
Loki sighed. "Is that the best you could come up with?"  
The vampire thought for a while before saying "Puritan?"

Vampirella was bored. "I predict a riot, I predict a riot." She sang.  
Loki sighed. "Am I the only one taking this seriously here?!"  
Vampirella looked around. "Well look around. There's me and there's you. Of course you're the only one taking this seriously."  
"V, if we don't get out of here...No more cheese."  
"NOOOOOO! LET US OUT!"  
Loki laughed quietly to himself. A proper laugh though, not like Vampirella's crappy silent laugh.

"OK." Elise was getting slightly worried. "They've been gone for far too long now."  
"Relax Elise." Taryn was slightly more at ease. "Knowing V, she's probably got lost at a cheese factory."  
"But Vampirella and Loki. That can't be a coincidence."

"All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty together again."  
Loki fake cried. "That was such a moving story."  
"Well I prefer them that way, stories that stay still are boring."

Meanwhile..."Mystique. Any word from Loki?"  
"Not yet."

"Ob-la-di, ob-la-da, life goes on. WAAAAH!" Vampirella sang.  
Loki laughed. That was from the Queen's concert thingy. Vampirella only watched it for Alfie Boe, Madness were a bonus. Although, she had to admit it was funny when everyone else was saying stuff like 'good evening' and 'your majesty' but Robbie Williams said 'Hey up'. Majesty. What does that word actually mean? Where did it come from? Who was first to say it?  
They were beginning to get really impatient. "Why are we waiting? Why are we waiting?" They sang. Nothing happened. "Hurry up, hurry up, hurry up up up. Hurry up, hurry up, hurry up up up. Hurry up, hurry up, hurry up up up. Hurry uuuup. Hurry up up up." Still nothing happened.  
"Scooby dooby Doo, where are you? We've got some work to do now." Vampirella sang.

"OK! I am getting highly claustrophobic!" Vampirella yelled.  
Loki was just as impatient. "Just hurry up already! What do you want?"  
"Hello?! Is anybody there? Knock once for yes and twice for no!"  
Loki knocked twice.

Time to get the party started.  
"Let's get it started, ha. Let's get it started in here. Let's get it started, ha. Let's get it started in here!" No? No. Still no-one came.  
Loki groaned. "How long have we been here?"  
Vampirella looked at her watch. "Half an hour."

Now it had been around 6 hours. Loki sighed. "V."  
"Yes?"  
"P over M."  
"Oh yeah. Sorry I forgot."

Vampirella and Loki walked into the main room.  
"Finally." Said Jade. "Where have you two been?"  
"You've been gone for hours." Elise added.  
"Well we were trapped by ice, and SOMEONE forgot about P over M." Loki explained.  
"You forgot too!"  
"I'm not the one who can use it!"  
"But who trapped you?" Elise asked.  
Vampirella and Loki thought about this.  
"Well." Vampirella started. "We were trapped by ice. So either the Frost Giants or that mutant person who's name I've forgotten."  
"Iceman." Said Loki.  
"...Are you serious? That's his mutant name? Wow, how imaginative."

Rolling In The Deep was playing. Vampirella was drinking a Coke Float. Loki was attempting Vampirella's favourite drink, Vodka. Apparently it wasn't sweet enough. Jade came in to meet them. "What is that?" She asked, looking at Vampirella's Coke Float.  
"It's a Coke Float." It was coke with ice cream floating on top. "I made Loki try Vodka."  
"What do you think?" Jade asked.  
"Mm, lovely." He lied, but it was sarcastic.  
Vampirella elbowed Loki. They finished their drinks and were about to leave but Vampirella first had to go and flush a toilet. She always had to do that in public places she's never been before, because some toilets flush differently. Some have a button, some have a handle and some have sensors. She loved those.  
It was really windy out, Vampirella was half expecting to come home to no roof. Oh wait...If she didn't come home to no roof, then she'd have something to worry about. ROOF PIXIES! How dare they come and fix people's roofs while they are out...  
Anyway, as they were walking out, Ob-la-di came on.  
"Ob-la-di, ob-la-da, life goes on, WAAAAH!" The three of them sang. They refused to leave until the song had ended. Unfortunately, the next song was Back in Black. OK, they'll leave after the next song...Iron Maiden, Two Minutes To Midnight. OK, after the NEXT song...Sunday Girl by Blondie. Yup, now is the time to leave.

Vampirella had persuading the rest of the Avengers to watch the Euros with her. Right now it was Russia vs Czech Republic. She liked Russia, for two reasons. The accent and the Vodka.  
Well, they were TRYING to watch it, but the channel changed again. This time, though, it was a documentary about WWII. It said about Nazi theories, including the dodged up one about going to the moon. They turned back to the channel the football was on, but instead there was the same documentary as before about the Norse Mythology. Then the football came back on. It was an English ref that Vampirella had seen before (Howard Webb, very famous ref. Been at Hillsborough a few times. From Rotherham) and Russia were winning 1-0.  
"Round-the-back-of-him, is that another player?" Vampirella asked. All the players tended to end with 'him'. (The commentator said 'round the back of him' in case you didn't actually watch the match. If you didn't, this may not make any sense to you.)  
"WOO!" Vampirella yelled Russia 2 now.  
Jade spilled her drink. "Jesus Jones V! Why the hell did I just say Jesus Jones?"  
Vampirella shook her head. "I have no idea."  
Thor and Loki didn't understand most Midgardian stuff, but this football thing they quite liked.  
There was only one bad thing about this particular match. The colours. Russia are red and Czech Republic are white. Red and white. Scary.  
"By the way, does your TENS work?" Taryn asked.  
"I think so." Replied the vampire.  
Jade laughed. "Czech again."  
Elise repeated what the commentator said "You're a Czech."  
"I though he said you're a d*ck." Said the vampire.  
Jade nodded. "Yes. Yes he is."  
"Oh he's a hungry Czech now." Vampirella said.  
"Silly arnof." Said Elise.

It must have been about midnight when an alarm woke everyone up. They were about to get up when they heard Vampirella shout "I'VE LOST MY POCKET AGAIN!" so they went back to sleep.


	15. Mystery Guests

Rachel, Vampirella and Jade were in the chip shop. They stopped off to get a drink but that didn't really work out. Rachel wouldn't let them leave until she had some chips. Just one portion! They lost count on how many times they heard the phrase 'one more'. Eventually, she ate her last load of chips, she ran out of money so couldn't buy any more...Or so they thought. She found a pound on the floor and went back to buy some more. Apparently, she was the 100th customer (you don't say) and you know what the prize was? More chips. And you know what made it worse? Two really nice people came in, started chatting to them and...bought them some chips. Storm and Jean their names were apparently. Vampirella thought they'd be great for Loki's army...but then remembered that he had given up on that plan.

"What's taking them?" Loki complained. "'Two cycles' she said. 'Going to get some drinks' she said. They've been in there for two hours!"  
Loki and Thor were sat on the wall at the Bolsover Market Place where they were supposed to be meeting. They eventually saw the three girls running towards them. As they got closer, they noticed that Rachel was chasing after Vampirella and Jade. The two had something in their hands but they couldn't figure out what.  
Vampirella threw the chips into the nearest bin while Jade held Rachel back.  
"Finally! What took you?!"  
"Sorry." Vampirella apologized. "But SOMEBODY wouldn't let us leave without chips."  
"You know she is like that." Said Thor, putting his hands on Vampirella's shoulders. "SO WHY GO INTO THE CHIPPY?!"  
Vampirella loved how Thor was beginning to talk more like them but still sounded Shakespearian. She then began to think about what a Shakespearian rapper would be like. Thor noticed Vampirella was staring into space so he shook her.  
"Sorry. I was fantasizing about a Shakespearian rapper. Look, chips aren't even Rachel's favourite thing now so how would we know that would happen?"  
Loki sighed.  
"So what IS her favourite thing then?" Thor asked.  
"Hunger Games." Vampirella said simply. Vampirella actually liked it too, she had the Mocking Jay pin and kept it with her at all times. As well as her prized possession...The Eddie pen.  
Vampirella could see Loki was mad at her.  
"Aww, don't be mad."  
"DON'T BE MAD?! WE'RE LATE!"  
Vampirella just calmly got out her phone and played 'Ob-la-di'  
Loki glared at her. Then shook his head...Then sang the chorus with her.  
"Ob-la-di, ob-la-da, life goes on, waaa!"

Vampirella was humming a new tune that the others hadn't heard before.  
"I'm so sorry." Elise apologized. "We heard this in Geography and now she won't stop singing it."  
Vampirella defended herself. "To be fair, I'm humming it. This is singing it. 'Do you know what longitude, latitude, longitude. Do you know what longitude, latitude is?'"  
Jade sighed. "Well?"  
"Latitude is triangular distance feathered in Maltese." Vampirella sang. (That's not what latitude is)


	16. Magic Talking Balcony

"It tells how far from the equator any place happens to be." She was still singing that song.

Fury had finally made contact with them. "Please tell me you've made progress." He then looked over to Vampirella who was doing that guitar dance. You know? The one when your pick falls into the guitar and you're tipping the guitar upside down to try and get it out but it won't so you keep shaking it. He sighed. "I guess not."  
"Well we would have if we didn't have an insane vampire on our side." Loki complained. "Oh, and we nearly found the location of that warehouse the Chitauri are staying at but SOMEONE stopped for chips!"  
"That was Rachel's fault!" Vampirella complained.  
Fury sighed again. "Well even so-"  
"Lol, go onto Google, type in 'English person' and see what you get." Vampirella laughed immaturely.  
"You see what I have to put up with here?"  
"Hey. Did you know that Desmond has his barrow in the market place?"  
Loki nodded. "And Molly is the singer in a band."  
Apparently Taryn was also in the room. "Desmond says to Molly 'girl I like your face'"  
They were saying this as if it was a really interesting story. Vampirella said "And Molly says this as she takes him by the hand'"  
All three of them started singing "Ob-la-di, ob-la-da, life goes on. BRAAAH! La la how the life goes on!"  
Fury thought Loki was the sensible one but apparently he was so wrong.  
Rachel then walked in. Finally, she looked sensible enough.  
"V!" Rachel shrieked. "WHERE ARE MY HUNGER GAMES BOOKS?!"  
"I hid them."  
"Ha ha ha ha! They're somewhere near an airlock."  
"Ha ha ha ha! You'll never find them Rachel."  
Elise walked in with a model Magic Talking Balcony that Vampirella and her scientist friends back on her home planet made for her.  
"What's that?" Fury asked, hoping it was something useful.  
"Hey! Back off!" Shouted Elise. "It's my shiny thing!" It was shiny.  
That's when Thor snuck in with some spray and sprayed the Magic Talking Balcony model. "It's MY shiny thing!"  
The previous night, Vampirella locked them all in a room (she was in the room as well) and wouldn't let them out without watching Red Dwarf. It was only supposed to be one episode, but they loved it.  
Jade rolled in on roller skates and asked if they wanted any toast. Steve followed behind her, wearing a red and white chequered dress while holding a penguin puppet. "Don't worry, I'm perfectly sane. Isn't that right, Mr Flibble?"


	17. Would I Lie To You?

Loki had stolen Mr Flibble.  
"Loki!"  
"Hello."  
"Where. Is. Mr. Flibble?!"  
"I threw it into a volcano."  
"Which volcano?!"  
"The one which you called Mt Jaffacakeyogel."  
Vampirella flew to Mt Eyjafjallajokull in search of Mr Flibbles.

"Where is Vampirella?" Director Fury asked.  
"Oh, I think she's still at Mt Jaffacakeyogel." Loki replied.  
"You mean she actually went?" Elise asked. "Vampirella believed the God of Lies that her penguin puppet was in a volcano in Iceland?"  
"Apparently so."  
Fury sighed. 'OK, this was a terrible idea.'

Vampirella walked back in, in her Frost Giant form.  
"Hi. How was your trip?" Rachel asked.  
"Mr Flibble wasn't there!...AND LAVA IS HOT!"

A few hours later, Steve looked around. Something wasn't right. He couldn't quite figure out what.  
"Hey" He calmly greeted his friends, the ejit vampire.  
"Hey." She said, before taking another bite of the Belgian Truffle. "Want one?" She offered.  
"No thanks. Wait, what?"  
She looked up. "Problem?"  
"Who are you and what have you done with Vampirella?"  
She stood up. "I don't understand."  
"I won't ask again."  
"OK OK, you caught me." It was Mystique!

Meanwhile, the real Vampirella was glued to the TV. Thor was in the next room.  
"YEEEEEEEEES!" That scream was heard through the entire Avengers headquarters.  
She had won £300

**It's true. I did  
Fighting chapter next...**


End file.
